I Hate March 19th

Posted on March 19, 2008 by Sweetpea

It was one year ago today that my father woke up, got out of bed, and collapsed a few minutes later from a massive, fatal stroke. I honestly can’t believe that it has already been so long. I used to talk to my dad pretty much every week — if not more often — and the idea that it has been 52 weeks since I last did is still somehow surprising, and the fact that I never will again is almost inconceivable.

So, the first year, which everyone says is the worst, is now done, though I don’t know where it goes from here. I guess it gets easier, or less unreal? I kind of hate the idea that not having my dad around is going to eventually seem normal. I know that’s the way it goes, but it doesn’t stop it from sucking.

I’ve written a lot about Dad here over the year, and probably will continue to do so in the future. I can’t seem to today, however; I just miss him more than I have words to express and hate that he’s gone.

Filed under: family, life

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10 Responses to “I Hate March 19th”

  1. sprite, on March 19th, 2008 at 12:28 pm Said:

    {S!!!!!}

  2. randomduck, on March 19th, 2008 at 3:52 pm Said:

    >HUG!<

  3. MsP, on March 19th, 2008 at 10:12 pm Said:

    My love to you and the entire Sweetpea clan.

    I remember when my Pap died I was almost a little appalled that life did actually go on. Time kept moving and I smiled and laughed and sometimes it all felt a little rude. We all know it has to, and it should and he’d want it to and yada yada yada, but… hell. It still sucks.

  4. j.m. tewkesbury, on March 20th, 2008 at 11:58 am Said:

    Yesterday was exactly two years since my grandfather passed away very suddenly. I think my mother, who misses her father terribly, would express sentiments similar to your own. And ditto to what MsP said.

  5. lacochran, on March 21st, 2008 at 12:55 pm Said:

    Well put. My dad died on my husband’s birthday. My husband’s dad died around Christmas. Talk about mixed emotions surrounding dates. There’s never a “good” time but it still jabs at us when it comes around. I believe my dad is still in communication in small ways, it helps me get through the day.

    Thanks for your eloquent post and congrats on your dcblogs listing.

  6. Hillary, on March 21st, 2008 at 4:37 pm Said:

    I know exactly what you mean. I’m about a week away from the 6 month mark and I still feel like he’s going to come walking up my driveway any day now. I don’t like the feeling of loss but I hate the idea that i’ll get to a point where I don’t miss him every day. <>

  7. Chris, on March 22nd, 2008 at 5:38 pm Said:

    20-some-odd years on, I still miss my dad. Massive heart attack. It gets easier, the selective memories that stick are the good ones, but I still miss him every day. Tie a knot and hang on.
    Chris
    http://www.ChrisMoreau.com

  8. Sweetpea, on March 24th, 2008 at 11:21 am Said:

    Many thanks to all for the kindness of your comments. I truly appreciate it.

  9. Innocence, Treats, and Kindness « Sweetpea’s Garden, on March 24th, 2008 at 11:31 am Said:

    [...] My post about the one-year anniversary of my dad’s death was selected by DC Blogs (a site that aggregates all the blogs about life here in our [...]

  10. Mom, on March 24th, 2008 at 7:13 pm Said:

    Sweetpea — I just got back online. What a year — Dad wants us all to keep on going and …. remembering …. and smiling — the going on is the hard part, but we ARE doing it. I miss him so and often wish I’d hugged him more — how much is more… 42 years is a L O N G time to love someone and have that person be your VERY BEST FRIEND. We were both……

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